


The smell of coffee and home

by desperatetodoroki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Coffee, Dorks in Love, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Leaving Home, M/M, Music, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25014670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desperatetodoroki/pseuds/desperatetodoroki
Summary: The Starbucks underneath the apartments has a new barista, Kei has never seen him work there before, but something about him caught Kei's eye.-a story about, meeting new people, spilled coffee and college life.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	1. I never wanted love, but now it's come undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: uncomfortable by wallows

Coffee. Coffee is the only thing Kei needs right now. it was 8:00 A.M. which meant he would be already late for his first morning class. This semester was stressing him out to the point he would be up until 3 in the morning, still working on an assignment. It was extra important to do good this semester since it is the last one of his third year.

Kei was lacking sleep, obviously, and the fact that Bokuto and Kuroo were nagging him the whole time to go out more did not help at all, he didn’t have time. Kuroo and Bokuto considered themselves as Kei's 'best friends' they were his only friends since his first year of college, they met during one of the introduction lectures in the first week. Kei never intended to make friends in the first place, they just stuck to him like glue and now he can’t get rid of them, not that he would want to get rid of them most of the time even though he acts like he does.

Of course, Kei had to study something that was difficult, he insisted he wanted to major in astronomy when he was younger, and he couldn't get out of it now. It's not like he didn't enjoy it, it was just so time consuming.

Right below from where Kei lives there is a Starbucks, a Subway, a Dunkin Donuts, and a Panda Express this is all convenient since he doesn’t like to walk far to get coffee or food. Kei lives in an apartment building near campus, it isn’t part of the university but it’s one of those apartments where only students would live since it’s so close. Kei considered living in a dorm once but having to share a room with someone who would show absolutely zero interest in him and the other way around did not sound appealing to him whatsoever. He imagines his roommate leaving dirty dishes in the sink for him to clean and littering the room with trash. Even thinking about it sends shivers down Kei’s back, living alone in an apartment was the best choice. Normally it was quiet in his apartment, the silence was comfortable though, there would be some music playing that he would normally listen to with his headphones on.

Kei has a secret passion for music, he doesn’t admit it, but he does. If it were possible, he would listen to music for a living. Kei tried learning how to play the guitar once and let’s just say that didn’t go all that well, it was way harder than he thought it would be and he gave up.

Kei also really likes cooking; he doesn’t do it a lot and he isn’t that good at it, but he tries. For dinner Kei orders take out 9/10 times, that one time he doesn’t Akaashi either comes over to cook for him or he brings him food he already cooked at home. Kei thinks it’s sweet, he’s kind of confused on how Akaashi got into his life like that though, well he came with Bokuto. Kei doesn’t know if Akaashi and Bokuto are dating, it seems like it, but they keep denying it. It doesn’t matter it isn’t his business after all, but if they were to be dating, he’d be okay with it he could honestly care less about who is dating who.

Kei’s first class started at 8:30 A.M. he was going to be a little late, but he needs to get coffee first. If only Kei was a morning person, he could actually get out of bed on time instead of waking up half an hour before he has to leave. Usually Kei meets up with Bokuto and Kuroo before class and they’d get coffee together, but since Kei has decided to not wake up on time anymore, they stopped waiting for him.

\-----------------------------------

Kei left his apartment in a rush almost forgetting his keys. He still had 15 minutes left until his class started, obviously he wasn’t going to make it in time, but he could always hope it wasn’t busy. Kei was on his way downstairs to the Starbucks that was settled in the apartment complex when he heard someone yell something about not letting the cat out again. Kei tried to ignore it, but someone approached him when he tried to walk away.

“Hey! I hope I’m not a bother, but could you help look for our cat?” A male with bright orange hair who is quite a few inches smaller than Kei asked him.

“I’m actually in quite a hurry” He responds emotionless.

“Hope you find your cat though” Kei said directly after his previous comment, just to sound a little less cold.

The shorter man pouted as Kei turned around. Kei walked two flights of stairs down when he finally arrived at the hall that led to the little food places. To Kei’s major inconvenience it was anything but quiet in the over-priced café, there were at least five people in line in front of him and there were still three people waiting on their drinks. By the time there was only one more person in front of him it was already past 8:30 A.M. and to be honest he couldn’t bother to come on time anymore.

When it was finally Kei’s turn to order he already knew what he was going to order, the same old usual thing he always gets, people don’t understand why he gets it but he likes the taste and it has a lot of caffeine in it so that’s another bonus added to the list of reasons why Kei gets this drink every day. He was thinking about switching it up for a change but when he stood at the counter, he decided that it was for the best to order his usual drink.

“Good morning! How can I help you on this fine morning?” A guy with green hair and a few ear piercings asked him.

“Morning” Kei said in a monotone voice. “I’ll take a cold brew with salted cream and cold foam.” He added after that in the same monotone voice.

The green haired boy made a weird half disgusted face before he spoke up. “Alrighty! That will be $5 then.”

Kei shrugged by hearing the price again after he forgot how much it cost and then payed for his drink. He went to sit on a chair while he waited for his drink. Time seemed to go by extremely slow, he still had class and was kind of worried. Would he be skipping class over _coffee_?!

“Order for Tsukishima?”

Kei stood up when he heard his name being called. The green haired boy gave him a soft smile that could only be described as: _I’m new here and I sincerely hope I made your order right._ Kei took a sip and chuckled. This was not what he had ordered. _Great!_ Kei thought, he really didn’t have time for this, and he didn’t want to bother the newly found barista. He wasn’t going to waste his $5 though, so he walked back and asked someone to remake his drink. The green haired boy heard his request and turned white as if he were sick.

Kei proceeded to wait for some time before his order was done. It looked like it was the right thing this time, he stood up and walked to the counter and before he could grab his drink it spilled all over the counter. The green haired boy was on the verge of a panic attack what it seemed like, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Kei was slightly annoyed, but he couldn’t blame the guy, he bet this was at least his first week of working here so he is still in training. Some other baristas came over to help clean up and they made Kei’s drink again, this time he got a free gift card worth of $10 with it as an _I’m sorry_ gift.

Kei got his drink and walked to campus, completely giving up on his first class, he had a massive headache and there were only twenty minutes left. Before he would arrive at the classroom it would be ten minutes left in conclusion it was no use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey, this is my first ever au! I sincerely hope that you guys enjoyed this first chapter :)  
> if this gets any reads at all I'll probably be updating this like every week or so :)  
> (Also if you see this follow my instagram! @/desperatetodoroki)


	2. on second thoughts will you even remember me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: It's U by Cavetown

Kei’s morning classes went by pretty quickly, nothing out of the ordinary happened and there was zero trouble to cause Kei’s headache to build up even more. By the time Kei’s last morning lecture ended it was already 12 P.M. He walked to the cafeteria and looked around if Bokuto and Kuroo had already claimed a table in the crowded room. To Kei’s surprise they’d actually managed to get them a spot, this time they didn’t have to sit outside. It was gloomy out today; no rain had fallen yet but Kei was almost one hundred percent certain that it would later this afternoon. He walked over to the table Kuroo and Bokuto had claimed for the three of them and set his stuff down.

“Morning sunshine.” Kuroo said with a smirk on his face. Kei tried to ignore it but Bokuto began to whine.

“Tsukki dude don’t leave him hanging like that!!” Bokuto said with a little pout forming on his lips.

“Tch, morning.” Kei said, annoyed with the two balls of chaos in front of him.

“Did he have another rough morning?” Kuroo whispered to Bokuto. “I honestly wouldn’t know, Kuroo bro.” Bokuto said back to him.

“You know I can still hear you two morons, right?”

Bokuto and Kuroo chuckled by the sudden action of words and burst into laughter. Five minutes had gone by and they were still laughing, not as loud as before though.

“Okay all jokes aside now, what happened that made you _this_ grumpy?” Kuroo asked.

“My coffee, that’s what happened.”

Bokuto and Kuroo looked at each other in confusion and spoke up at the same time. “Huh?!”

Kei sighed he had to elaborate, of course. “The Starbucks underneath the apartments has a new barista, I’ve never seen him working before, so I think he has only worked there for at least a week.” Kei explained.

Kuroo and Bokuto had a look of confusion and concentration on their faces, trying to figure out where Kei was going with this story.

“Anyways, I was already late for class when it was my turn to order and everything went well, I got my coffee and took a sip, that was not what I ordered. So, I walked back feeling kind of sorry for the new guy, he looked nervous.”

“Hold up, you can feel sorry for someone?!” Kuroo said in disbelief.

“Yes, you egghead, now shut up and let me finish my story!” Kei said.

“My drink was remade, and I went to pick it up when all of a sudden the drink spilled all over the counter, I was annoyed and I think the new guy was about to have a nervous breakdown.”

“Did you get your coffee though?” Bokuto asked.

“Yes, I got my coffee, in fact, I got my coffee and a gift card. I think they’d hope it would ease things out a bit, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that I can get coffee two times practically for free.” Kei said in, again, a monotone voice.

Kuroo thought about something to say before he spoke up. “Must suck to be that guy.” Kuroo said. “What is that supposed to mean?” Kei asked, slightly offended. “Well…” Kuroo said. “Imagine being him and you have to take this tall ass dude’s order, he looks scary as shit, especially because it’s way too early to do anything and then you make his drink wrong AND you spill the drink that was remade.” Kuroo continued.

“That was kind of mean, Kuroo bro.” Bokuto spoke up. “Nah it’s fine, I get it.” Kei then said. “Y-you do?” Kuroo said, surprised. “Yes, I do. Apparently, I’m being an ass, so I figured I’d deserve to be scolded like that.” Kei said, making Kuroo turn white.

“Scary Tsukki dude.” Bokuto said.

There was an uncomfortable silence, it eased out once Bokuto took a bite out of his muffin and there was chocolate on his nose. Kuroo laughed at that, followed by Kei and Bokuto.

They ate in a comfortable silence after that, one of the three sometimes speaking up to ask something or to start a conversation.

\-----------------------------------

Kei arrived back at his apartment after the three afternoon classes he had. He liked those three the best out of the whole day, they were quiet and easy, no stress.

Kei was about to unlock the door when he felt something brush against his leg. He looked down and saw a white cat with orange and black spots brushing its head against his leg. Kei sat on his knees to pet the little animal when he heard someone call a name. “Yuki?!”

“Yuki! There you are! We were worried sick, please never walk away again.”

“Oh hi! Thank you for finding Yuki!” A smaller, energetic, familiar guy said to Kei.

“I didn’t exactly find her, she found me.” Kei said, looking at the small cat.

“I’m Hinata Shoyo.” The redhead said, sticking out his hand to be shaken.

Kei took his hand and shook it. “My name is Tsukishima Kei.”

Kei wanted to go inside and shower but Hinata wanted to have a chat. “Is this your apartment?” Hinata asked. Kei hummed in response. “I see, my apartment is right there.” Hinata said stretching out his arm to point down the hallway. “Do you live here alone?” Hinata then asked. Kei hummed again, trying to make clear he isn’t interested in small talk. “Wow that’s so cool!” Hinata said. “I live with two other people!” Hinata then said.

“Well it was nice to meet you Tsukishima!” Hinata ended the conversation. “I’ll see you around.” The redhead said cheerfully before picking up Yuki and walking away to his apartment.

Kei unlocked his door and stepped inside his apartment. He slipped off his shoes and stripped down to his underwear, walking towards the bathroom to shower. After he’d showered, he dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie and sat down on the couch scrolling through Instagram.

He opened his text messages app and swiped into the group chat he had with Kuroo and Bokuto.

**_Message to dumb bitches_ **

_[5:18 P.M.] Tsukishima: Can we get coffee together tomorrow morning if I promise to wake up on time?_

_[5:19 P.M.] Kuroo: sure, thing Tsukki dude_

_[5:21 P.M.] Kuroo: wait why?_

_[5:21 P.M.] Tsukishima: It’s been a while and maybe that way I can actually be on time for my 8:30 A.M. class._

_[5:24 P.M.] Bokuto: Tsukki dude said: big brain time_

_[5:25 P.M.] Bokuto: also, did you see the food Akaashi left in your fridge? I believe he stopped by earlier_

Kei looked up from his phone, to the fridge and back down to his phone. He stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, opening the fridge. There was some miso soup, onigiri and six meat buns.

_[5:30 P.M.] Tsukishima: Yes, I did, thank Akaashi for me._

_[5:30 P.M.] Bokuto: will do!_

\-----------------------------------

Kei ate the miso soup Akaashi had made for him and he went to work on an assignment he had for one of his classes. It wasn’t that much work, at least not for Kei, he had to write a five pages long essay about something he loves. Kei thought of writing about music or his love for coffee, but he thought it would be to cliché. Eventually he went with writing about his favorite music, he filled the five pages with what kind of music he likes and information about it. After that he decided he would do the reading assignment for his English literature class, he had to read some novel he really didn’t put any interest in. It was only 7:30 P.M. when Kei finally finished reading the pages that were given as homework.

Kei grabbed his phone again seeing if he got any new notifications, to his surprise he did.

**_5 new messages from dumb bitches_ **

_[7:15 P.M.] Kuroo: big brain Tsukki dude indeed Bo_

_[7:20 P.M.] Bokuto: HAHAHAHA KUROO LOOK AT THIS_

_[7:21 P.M.] Kuroo: DUDE WHAT_

_[7:25 P.M.] Bokuto: (image attached)_

_[7:26 P.M.] Kuroo: HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT’S SUCH AN OLD PICTURE DUDE_

Kei laughed at their texts. They did this almost every day, spamming their group chat with nonsense, today they were laughing their asses off about a childhood picture of the two of them who knows what it’ll be tomorrow.

Nights alone at his apartment were boring most of the time after all, he was alone so there wasn’t much to do. Kei tends to spend a lot of time one apartment complex further at Kuroo and Bokuto’s apartment but he didn’t this night, Kuroo had work and Bokuto was either doing school work or hanging out with Akaashi and he doesn’t want to intrude their time together since they already get so little time together. Their lack of time together is due to Akaashi’s major, he majors in accounting and that’s even more time consuming than astronomy, way more time consuming. Every little bit they get to spend together is nice.

It’s been quite some time since Kuroo, Bokuto and Kei have hung out, they’re getting coffee tomorrow morning but that doesn’t really count as hanging out since it’s before class. Kei notes to ask them to hang out soon.

\-----------------------------------

It was 6:30 A.M. when Kei’s first alarm went off. Kei turned over to his side and tried to open his eyes, it was surprisingly bright in his bedroom though, he forgot to close his curtains last night. He closed his eyes again when his second alarm went off, he had set like six to make sure that he’ll get up on time. Five minutes later and his third alarm of the morning filled the room with noise. Kei got up and groaned because of muscle strain, he should stop sleeping in odd positions, how comfortable they may be. Kei walked to the kitchen to get water and went back to his bedroom to unplug his phone from its charger. He felt so empty right now it was way too early, and Kei wasn’t used to that because he stopped waking up early. Kei considered laying back in bed, but he remembered that he was going to meet with Bokuto and Kuroo at 7:30 for coffee. Nothing kept Kei going right now except for the fact that he is going to get coffee and this time he won’t skip his 8:30 A.M. class.

Kei doesn’t have that big off an appetite and especially right now, who even eats at 7 A.M.? Kei settled with a muesli bar and called it a day. Kei picked up his phone expecting no notifications, but he was wrong

**_6 new messages from dumb bitches_ **

**_1 new message from *phone number*_ **

Kei was slightly confused by getting a message from someone he doesn’t have in his contact list, so he decided to open that one first.

_[6:05 A.M.] *phone number*: Good morning Tsukishima, this is Akaashi, I asked Bokuto-san for your phone number since I didn’t have it yet, I hope you don’t mind._

_[6:05 A.M.] *phone number*: I am going to make breakfast for Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san, do you want me to stop by and bring you some? Let me know._

_[6:55 A.M.] Tsukishima: Good morning Akaashi, thank you for the offer but no thank you._

**_*phone number* saved to contacts as ‘Akaashi’_ **

Kei exited the chat with Akaashi and opened the group chat.

_[6:30 A.M.] Kuroo: GOOD MORNINGGGGGGG_

_[6:35 A.M.] Bokuto: GOOD MORNING KUROO BRO_

_[6:35 A.M] Bokuto: TSUKKI DUDE COME ONLINE_

_[6:35 A.M.] Kuroo: TSUKKI DUDEEEEEEEEEE_

_[6:37 A.M.] Bokuto: surely his alarm had gone off already HEY FOUR EYES_

_[6:40 A.M.] Kuroo: Tsukishima Kei, I order you to come online right now._

Kei cringed at the nickname Bokuto had given him, he decided to leave them on read and get ready to leave. He did his hair and brushed his teeth, threw his clothes from yesterday in the laundry basket so that he can do his laundry sometime this weekend and he slipped on his shoes and jacket. Kei unlocked his front door stepped into the hallway and relocked it, it was now 7:20 A.M. ready to leave and without having to hurry.


	3. don't be shy, look alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chaper title: Shy by Hunny  
> -  
> I'm updating this again because I like it so much and I'm impatient to wait for next week, so have another chapter :)  
> happy reading!  
> also happy 4th of July if you're from the US!

7:35 A.M. “Where in the fuck are Bokuto and Kuroo?!” Kei looked at his phone, no new notifications. If they were going to be late, they could’ve let him know, maybe that way he could’ve laid in bed a little longer. Five minutes had gone by and Kei was almost going to get coffee on his own when Bokuto and Kuroo finally approached, running, and yelling his name.

“Tsukishima!! Sorry that we’re late!” Kuroo yelled.

Kei pinched the smallest part of his nose bridge with his thumb and pointer finger, his headache was already building up.

“Yeah we’re really sorry dude!” Bokuto said.

“Whatever let’s just get going already.” Kei said, clearly dissatisfied.

Bokuto opened the door and the three of them walked inside the café. The two staff members behind the counter turned around to see who walked in, one of them turning directly to their co-worker.

“Can you take their order? I’m going to take a five-minute break.” One said to the other. The taller one of the duo nodded in response to which the smaller one walked through a door that led to the break room. Another co-worker came in his place.

“Did that guy just walk away because we came in?” Kuroo asked Bokuto and Kei. To which Bokuto responded with a simple “I don’t know.”

Kei thought before he spoke up. “That’s the guy I told you guys about yesterday, I think he walked away scared to embarrass himself again.”

“Makes sense.” Kuroo said. “Did you apologize to him?” Kuroo asked directly after. Kei gave him a confused look. “Apologize? For what?!” Kei said confused and slightly offended. “I didn’t do anything wrong you dickhead, now I want coffee so let’s go.” Kei added after that, clearly annoyed.

“You want me to order for you?” Kuroo asked Kei. He thought about it for a few seconds before responding. “Please.” Kei responded cold and emotionless. “Alright, Mr. Grumpy.” Kuroo said jokingly. Kei punched him ‘lightly’ in his shoulder.

Kuroo walked up to the counter to order.

“Good morning, how can I help you today?” A tall raven-haired boy asked politely.

“Hi!” Kuroo started cheerfully. “Can I get a Caffè Americano, a cold brew with salted cream and cold foam and uhm a Java Chip Frappuccino please.” Kuroo asked.

“Alright, so we have an Americano, a cold brew and a Java Chip. That will be $13 for you today. The raven-haired boy said.

Kuroo paid and they waited for their drinks when the door that leads to the back of the store swung open, the green haired boy was back from his break expecting the three boys to be gone already. He walked over to the counter, his eyes locked on the ground, when he looked up his eyes immediately shot to Kei, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked away, his face red like a tomato.

“Order for Kuroo?!” A female voice asked.

Kuroo stood up, grabbed their drinks, and gave a wink to the young lady.

Kei grasped to his drink which made Kuroo pull it away, almost bumping into someone in the middle of the process. Kei groaned and took his drink out of Kuroo’s hands. Kuroo grinned and Bokuto seemed to be crying from laughter, Kei on the other hand was nothing more than irritated with the two boys.

Kei, Bokuto and Kuroo walked to their classes and said their goodbyes. There were still five minutes left before Kei’s class started and he wasn’t going to lie, he was nervous, he can’t recall the last time he spoke with his professor and he was probably going to get scolded as soon as he set foot in the classroom. Kei opened the door and all the people in the room turned to the door, everyone was quiet.

After class Kei was asked to stay for a bit so his professor could talk to him, of course he did what he was asked and when everyone had left the room, he was the only one remaining.

“Didn’t expect to see you here Tsukishima.” His professor said jokingly.

Kei was silent. “I’m sorry for my absence, Mr. Takeda.” Kei said. Takeda groaned in response. “I hope I’ll be seeing you during my lectures again, Tsukishima…” Takeda said. And with that Kei left, feeling extremely embarrassed.

\-----------------------------------

**_1 new message from Kuroo_ **

_[3:15 P.M.] Kuroo: I’m in the library just come here when you’re done, and we can all go to your apartment maybe?_

_[3:30 P.M.] Tsukishima: Sure, I’m on my way now._

_[3:31 P.M.] Kuroo: k. see you soon_

Kei was on his way to the library, to be honest he was glad Kuroo asked him to hang out, he is never the one insisting on hanging out anyways. Kei arrived at the library. For a second, he wondered what Kuroo was doing here, but he remembered that under those so-called good looks Kuroo was a big old nerd. Kei walked into the library, his eyes scanning the room for Kuroo. After a few seconds he locked eyes with Bokuto who was listening to some story Kuroo was telling him. Kei walked over to the table they were settled at and sat down.

“Tsukki dude!” Kuroo said cheerfully. Kei looked at him weird. “Hey, ready to go?” Kei said. They stood up, grabbed their stuff, and left the library.

The three boys left campus, crossing the street to walk towards Kei’s apartment, it was only two blocks away, so it was an easy distance to walk.

They arrived at Kei’s apartment and he unlocked the door for Kuroo and Bokuto. “I have to get some stuff from the mailbox, just go inside I’ll be there in a minute.” Kei said to the two others.

Kei walked over to his mailbox, unlocked it, and got his mail out. Kei was almost his apartment when he bumped into someone.

“Oh my- I’m so sorry!” A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice said. Kei shrugged and nodded his head, hoping to be clear that it didn’t matter. He opened his door and stepped inside of him apartment.

Kei threw his mail on one of the kitchen counters, he’ll open that later.

“What took you so long, Tsukki dude?” Bokuto asked.

“Someone bumped into me, no big deal.” Kei answered his friend’s question.

“Wanna play Smash Bros?” Kuroo asked Kei. Kei nodded in response and settled on the couch with the two other boys.

A few hours had gone by of them playing games and they had decided that it was time to eat, luckily for them Akaashi called Bokuto asking where he was and what they should do for dinner. Bokuto told Akaashi that he was at Kei’s and Akaashi insisted on coming over to cook them dinner.

Akaashi made curry rice and they ate in a comfortable silence. Everyone almost finished their dish when Kuroo decided to speak up. “Who’d you bump into earlier?” Kuroo asked. Kei shrugged. “Don’t know and to be honest I. don’t. care.” Bokuto laughed at this. “Gee sorry, didn’t know you’d be mad.” Kuroo said. Bokuto was on the ground at this point. Akaashi tried to calm him down but he found the interaction way too funny.

Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi went home and Kei was alone again. Kei sighed; he was bored right off the bat. He’d decided he’ll probably take a shower and call it a day. After all, it was already past midnight and he would like to get a good night of sleep. It may be a Saturday tomorrow but that doesn’t mean Kei shouldn’t sleep properly.

\-----------------------------------

Kei woke up to loud banging on his door. He turned around to look at the time on his phone, it was only 10:45 A.M. Who in the world would knock on someone’s door at this hour of the day? It’s literally a Saturday.

Kei got out of bed and walked towards his front door and opened it. He squinted his eyes because of the bright light coming from the hallway.

“Good morning, I hope I didn’t wake you up and this might seem really weird because I don’t think you know me, but we sorta met the other day at Starbucks and I bumped into you yesterday, so I wanted to apologize for that. Also, you may know my roommate, Hinata, he talked about you, so I knew where I had to go to apologize.” A green-haired boy was rambling. Kei sighed in confusion. “Hold on a second.” Kei said. “What are you even talking about?” Kei added. “Y-you don’t remember?” the boy stammered. “I mean I remember what happened at Starbucks but, I can’t recall you bumping into me.” Kei said, rubbing in his eyes.

Kei sniffed. “Are those waffles?” He asked. The green-haired boy’s face lit up. “Oh yes! I made waffles for Hinata and his boyfriend, but I made a little too many so I figured this might be a nice peace offering.” The boy said, smiling.

“Oh uh, wow that’s really nice of you.” Kei said trying to sound at least a little bit nice. “Uh why don’t you come in…” Kei asked. The green-haired boy looked confused and pleased at the same time. “A-are you sure?” He asked. Kei nodded in response and stepped to the side to let the smaller boy in.

Kei took the waffles from the other boy and put them down at one of the kitchen counters. “Just go sit down wherever.” Kei said, waving his hand around. The green-haired boy sat down at the kitchen table.

Kei grabbed two plates, two knives and two forks and set them down opposite of each other. Kei took the waffles from the kitchen counter and put those down on the table as well.

The green-haired boy looked at Kei in confusion. Kei shrugged. “I figured since you’re here, we could share the waffles.” Kei said. “I’m friendly like that.” Kei jokingly added.

The other boy laughed. “At least let me introduce myself first, since I haven’t even gotten the chance to do so.” He said. “I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi.” He added and stuck his hand out. “Tsukishima Kei.” Kei said flatly and shook his hand.

“Are you sure you want to share these waffles with me, Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yes, I am sure, now let’s just eat.” Kei said. “I have to leave soon.” He added after that softly.

\-----------------------------------

“Thank you again for the waffles, Yamaguchi.” Kei said.

Yamaguchi laughed, sweeping his bangs to the side. “It was really no problem; I hope there are no hard feelings for spilling your drink.” He said with a friendly smile.

The two said their goodbyes and Kei closed the door, sighing. He did not at all intent to interact with anyone in this building, let alone in his own hallway, but there he was.

Kei grabbed his phone. “Shit it’s already 11:30 I’m going to be late.” Kei said to himself. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack next to the front door. He grabbed his keys and left in a hurry.

Kei arrived at Shimada Mart and greeted his boss. “Morning, Shimada.” Kei said. “Morning Kei!” Shimada said cheerfully. “You work register today, I told you that at the end of your last shift, right?” Shimada asked. “Okay and yes you did.” Kei answered. “Okay great, I’ll be in the back if you need me.” Shimada told Kei.

Kei was halfway done with his shift when someone walked in.

“Good afternoon.” Kei greeted the familiar customer.

After a few minutes, the customer walked up to the register. “Hi!!” He said cheerly. Kei looked at the stuff in front of him; two muesli bars, a can of red bull and a bag of gummy worms. “Will this be all for you today?” Kei asked the orange-haired customer. He nodded. “Yep.” He said. Kei nodded at his response and tapped some buttons at the cash register. “Alright then, that will be $4,35 for you.” Kei said and opened the cash register. The orange-haired man paid and left the store. When the guy was outside it hit Kei who he just talked with. Yamaguchi’s housemate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the kudo's and comments! It means so much!!


	4. I want you by my side, so that I'll never feel alone again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Stolen dance by Milky Chance  
> -  
> Hi hi! I'm back with another chapter!! I know it has only been 4 days but who cares!  
> I wanted to thank you guys for all the kudos, I really really appreciate it!  
> ily guys, happy reading <3

Kei has always been one of those people who get annoyed maybe a little bit too easily, if it weren’t someone clicking their pen during a lecture it would be someone humming along with the song playing on their headphones a bit too loudly.

Kei was annoyed now, not with someone else, but with himself. He was annoyed that he’d let someone he barely knew into his home, had spent time with him and surprisingly actually enjoyed their time together. Overall Kei was confused, he wasn’t one to spend or enjoy time with strangers.

It was raining, but it was surprisingly warm out for the time of them year. It was autumn and Kei wasn’t having shit with this.

“No, Kuroo it can’t be this warm. It’s _autumn_ for god’s sake.” Kei said to his friends.

“Be glad you aren’t freezing buddy.” The black-haired male said.

“I actually don’t mind either of those things.” Bokuto tried to join in their conversation, hoping it would be a bit less tense.

Kuroo got up from the couch in Kei’s apartment and walked towards the kitchen. “What’s this?” He asked. Kei looked at him in confusion. “What’s what?” Kei asked confused.

“Why are there so many dishes in your sink, you live alone?” Kuroo asked Kei.

Kei panicked a bit, he didn’t want to tell his friends about how Yamaguchi, known by Kuroo and Bokuto as the Starbucks guy, had come by this morning with waffles.

“Didn’t wash my dishes yesterday.” Kei said flatly, his heart racing from the anxiety Kuroo had given him.

Kuroo shrugged and walked towards Kei’s bathroom. Kei sighed. “Why does it matter that I have so many dirty dishes in my sink?” Kei asked Bokuto.

Bokuto laughed at his question. “You never leave your dishes, Tsukki dude, it’s suspicious.”

\-----------------------------------

On Tuesdays, Bokuto and Kuroo didn’t have morning classes and this is where their bad habit of not getting out of bed came in. They didn’t have things to wake up for those mornings, so they just stayed in bed. Kei on the other hand did have morning classes.

It was time for lunch, Kei scanned the loud cafeteria hoping that Bokuto and Kuroo were there, they weren’t.

Kei was still looking for the two men when he decided it was no use and he went to sit at a table on his own.

A few minutes had passed and all of a sudden Kei heard his name being called.

“Tsukishima?” “What are you doing here?”

Kei turned around to see who was talking to him.

“Yamaguchi- “Kei managed to get out, startled by the smaller guy’s sudden appearance.

“I’m waiting for my friends and I was turning in some assignments, you?” Kei answered his question.

“Just lunch, mind if I sit?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Go ahead.” He answered his question flatly, he wanted to punch himself in the face.

The two of them sat together for only five minutes before Bokuto and Kuroo finally arrived, to Kei it felt like five hours though.

“Tsukki du- sorry are we interrupting something?” Bokuto asked.

“Not at all.” Kei said

Bokuto sat down, Kuroo went to the bathroom.

“So…” Kuroo started when he got back. “Who’s this, Tsukishima?” Kuroo continued with one of his famous smirks plastered on his face. Kei longed to smack that smirk right of his stupid face though.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi.” Yamaguchi said with a soft smile, sticking his hand out.

Kuroo grabbed his hand. “Kuroo Tetsurou and this grey-haired loser next to me is Bokuto Koutarou.” Kuroo said, returning the smile with one of his seductive grins. Bokuto smiled and waved at Yamaguchi.

“Fuck.” Yamaguchi cursed just loud enough for the other three boys to hear and he tapped on his phone a few times.

“I got to go.” Yamaguchi said, looking just slightly concerned.

“See you later?” Yamaguchi looked at Kei. He nodded in response.

“So later huh?” Kuroo said grinning.

“Shut it.” Kei hissed back at him.

\-----------------------------------

**_New message from *phone number*_ **

_[6:12 P.M.] *phone number*: hey Tsukishima, Kunimi here, could you maybe work my shift tonight? I’m sorta sick so yeah_

_[6:15 P.M.] Tsukishima: Hey, sure yeah, I’ll work for you, but you’ll have to work for me then sometime, okay? Feel better soon._

_[6:16 P.M.] *phone number*: yes of course thanks!_

**_*phone number* saved as Kunimi_ **

Kei groaned he definitely wasn’t feeling to work, but he’d get paid and he would get a day off since Kunimi would work for him whenever as a return of the favor, so it was fine he supposed.

Kei’s shift started at seven, so he still had time to eat dinner -if he was even going to- and to shower.

Kei got out of the shower at 6:30 P.M. and to be honest he wasn’t hungry at all so he decided he would leave it be and see if he was hungry after his shift.

It normally wasn’t that busy at Shimada mart, but this particular Tuesday was the busiest it has been in what it seemed like months.

Around 8:30 the fussiness seemed to have left the store and Kei was glad, his shift ended in thirty minutes.

Ten minutes were left of Kei’s shift, nowhere a customer to be found since 8:30 P.M. when all of a sudden someone walked in and greeted Kei.

“I didn’t know you work here.”

“Hey, Yamaguchi.” Kei was surprised to see him at the local convenience store, but it was logical for him to be there since it was so close by the apartment building.

Yamaguchi walked into an isle that stored chips and all kinds of candy, he picked some stuff up and after 5 minutes of wandering through other isles he walked to the register.

Yamaguchi plopped down the stuff he picked up a few minutes ago and got his wallet out of his pocket.

“Are you going home?” the freckled boy asked Kei.

“Yes, I am why?” Kei answered him slightly confused.

“Mind if I walk with you?” Yamaguchi asked.

Kei nodded and Yamaguchi let out a pleased hum.

Yamaguchi paid for his groceries, Kei clocked out of his shift and so the two of them walked towards their apartment complex in a comfortable silence.

Kei grabbed his keys to unlock the front door of the apartment complex and opened the door. “After you.” He said to Yamaguchi and pointed his hand towards the inside of the building.

Yamaguchi giggled and swept his hair, framing his face, from in front of his eyes and stepped inside the dark hallway. Kei followed him and switched on the lights.

“Thanks for walking with me.” Kei said, trying his best not to sound unamused or rude.

“It was no problem! Have a good night, Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi said back to him and Kei unlocked his apartment’s front door.

\-----------------------------------

Kei was lying in his bed; it was past midnight already. He went to bed at 11 P.M. but after an hour of turning around from side to side he found himself still awake. Kei wasn’t sure what caused it, but he sure knew it was annoying, he had class in the morning.

Kei woke up to the loud beeping of his alarm, since he had gone out with Kuroo and Bokuto that one morning he had decided to try and wake up on time again, this way he wouldn’t get scolded by his lecturer and he didn’t have to get coffee alone anymore. Also, since that morning he went out for coffee, he hasn’t seen Yamaguchi working anymore. At first, he thought it was weird but then he figured he’d started working evening shifts instead of early morning ones.

Kei got out of bed, showered, and ate something Akaashi had brought over for breakfast some days ago. He knew he wasn’t going to eat it anytime soon and surprisingly he was actually hungry.

Akaashi had been practically forcing Kei to eat breakfast every now and then and if he refused either Bokuto or Kuroo would come over to accompany Akaashi into forcing Kei to eat in the morning.

Kei wasn’t having shit with this he thought it was too early to eat and they knew how he felt about the whole breakfast thing, but they wouldn’t let it slip if either one of the three had found out that Kei skipped breakfast once again.

By the time Kei was done eating he still had plenty of time to leave without being worried about coming on time.

When Kei left it was 7:25 A.M. he walked downstairs to meet his friends at the coffee place.

Kei arrived at the local Starbucks and saw Bokuto and Kuroo already waiting for him inside, for a second, he thought he was late, but he was exactly on time. He walked into the café and he greeted his friends.

“Want me to order for you- “Kuroo asked but he was interrupted by a door swinging open.

“Yamaguchi, stop swinging the door open like that.” A tall raven-haired boy ordered his co-worker.

“Sorry, Kageyama.” Yamaguchi said before laughing and walking towards the cash register.

“Hmh, no I’ll order for myself.” Kei said, only just then realizing what he had said.

“Okay.” Kuroo said smirking.

Bokuto found everything very funny, as always, and he was laughing his head off at the interaction between Kei and Kuroo.

“No, you know what, you order for me, I want a caffè latte.” Kei said amused.

“Changing up your order huh, pretty boy?” Kuroo said with the same smirk as before.

“Don’t call me that and yes I just want a hot coffee instead of a cold one, something wrong with that?” Kei asked.

“No that’s fine, give me the money for your drink then.”

Kei gave Kuroo the money for his drink and Kuroo started to order.

“Good morning Kuroo-san!” Yamaguchi started cheerly.

“Morning to you too sunshine.” Kuroo smirked.

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes at the nickname. “How can I help you today?”

“Uhm, can I get a caffè americano, a caffè latte and a matcha green tea.” Kuroo asked.

“Of course! That will be $10 for you today!” Yamaguchi said.

Kuroo pouted. “No friends discount?” He asked jokingly.

“You’re funny, Kuroo-san.” Yamaguchi said with a straight face and opened up the cash register.

Kuroo paid and walked back to Kei and Bokuto.

After five minutes Kuroo was called to pick up their order and with that they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey bokes! sorry that was mean... anyways, let me know what you think of this chapter! the comments are really appreciated :3


	5. it starts with love and it ends with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *there will be some alochol consuming in this chapter but it isn't much*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: Meteor Shower by Cavetown  
> -  
> hey pretty people! I'm back (did you miss me? ^-^) and I'm on summer break right now!  
> I was thinking about making an actual upload schedule, but you guys would have to let me know!

Saturdays have always been nice to Kei, he gets to wake up to nothing and do his own thing. Every now and then he has an afternoon shift at Shimada mart and those weren’t even all that bad.

Kei woke up once again to nothing this morning, but he wasn’t even awake for five minutes and he heard people screaming in the hallway.

Kei got up out of bed and threw on a shirt before he walked into the noisy hallway.

“No! Shouyou! You can’t keep letting Yuki out of the apartment! Kenma is gonna kill you!” Someone yelled.

“Yamaguchi! Kenma can’t just kill his own boyfriend!” Hinata yelled at Yamaguchi.

Kei shrugged. He doesn’t know this Kenma guy, but he sounds very serious.

After a few seconds of more screaming and yelling, Yamaguchi slaps Hinata’s arm as a gesture to shut up.

“Morning, Tsukishima!” Yamaguchi waved happily at Kei.

Yamaguchi gasped. “Did we wake you up?” He asked.

“No, you didn’t, don’t worry about it.” Kei answered.

“Good, Hinata here let out Yuki again by ‘accident’ and now I’m certain his boyfriend is going to kill him.” Yamaguchi snickered.

“Though luck buddy.” Kei said flatly towards Hinata and he was ready to close his door.

“Tsukishima wait!” Yamaguchi half-yelled.

Kei gave a confused look.

“Did you happen to have had breakfast yet?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Uh, no I have not.” Kei answered, kind of already knowing where this was going.

“Great! I’m making pancakes, I’ll bring them over when they’re done!” Yamaguchi said and before Kei could protest, Yamaguchi had already closed his front door.

\-----------------------------------

Someone knocked on the door. Secretly Kei hoped it was Yamaguchi; it wasn’t.

“Morning, Tsukishima.” Akaashi was in front of him, behind him were Kuroo and Bokuto.

Startled Kei greeted them before they stepped inside of the apartment.

Kei was all of a sudden really stressed Yamaguchi hadn’t come over yet, maybe he wasn’t going to at all, maybe he was joking when he asked him if he had had breakfast yet, but there was a small chance that he was serious and now his friends were here.

Knowing Bokuto and Kuroo, they were going to make a big deal out of Yamaguchi bringing over pancakes for Kei and he wasn’t having that.

10:25 A.M. someone knocked on the door. Kei’s heart was in his throat; Yamaguchi is at his front door, with pancakes and his two idiots of best friends were going to make a big deal out of something that shouldn’t be made a big deal out of.

Kei walked towards his front door and opened it.

“Hi! Sorry it took so long, Hinata was being a pain in the ass while I was cooking.” Yamaguchi said, trying to hide his laugh.

“It’s no problem don’t worry.” Kei said.

“Tsukki dudeeeee?! Who’s at the door?” Bokuto asked, Kuroo had a smirk on his face that seemed almost painful.

Kei rolled his eyes.

“You have people over?” Yamaguchi asked, slightly pouting but not showing it.

“Just Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi.” Kei answered and stepped aside.

“Come on in.”

“If I knew you had friends over I would’ve made more pancakes.” Yamaguchi said.

“It’s fine, I’ll just steal some pancakes from Tsukishima.” Kuroo said.

Kei rolled his eyes. “Whatever, just set the plate down on the table.” Kei said while walking towards the kitchen to get some plates and silverware.

Kuroo was laughing as Kei walked back to his friends. “You’re loud Kuroo, giving me a headache.” Kei said. Kuroo laughed even harder at this and Kei walked back to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and an aspirin.

“Wait your serious about the headache?” Kuroo asked, immediately shutting up.

“Yes you dumbass, why would I lie about having a headache?” Kei answered him, clearly annoyed with his dumb best friend.

The five of them talked for a bit and just enjoyed each other’s company, before everyone left and Kei was alone again.

\-----------------------------------

Autumn had finally made it’s real approach when the temperature dropped drastically. Kei was quite happy about this.

Kuroo, Bokuto, Yamaguchi and Kei were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, it had become normal that Yamaguchi would join them during lunch, Kei was glad, he enjoyed spending time with Yamaguchi for some reason.

“Ugh, of course, it’s always like that.. yeah no it’s fine, have fun.” Yamaguchi was on the phone with someone. Kei couldn’t quite make out who it was, but that someone made Yamaguchi’s mood drop real bad.

“What was that about?” Kei asked Yamaguchi.

“Oh it’s nothing, I had plans with Hinata this weekend, but him and Kenma are moving out to their own apartment and now he cancelled our plans.” He explained.

“Anyways it doesn’t really matter, I’ll just, I don’t know study I guess.” Yamaguchi added.

Kei felt bad for the green-haired male in front of him. “Oh, that sucks.” Kei said, wanting to punch himself in the face for making such a cold comment.

“It’s really no big deal, it happens a lot so don’t worry about it too much.” Yamaguchi said.

Kei hummed and nodded as a response and Yamaguchi stood up from the table.

“Hey where are you going?” Kuroo asked.

“I have my last class in like five minutes and I have to go to the other building so I have to go.” Yamaguchi answered.

“If you run you might make it on time!” Bokuto yelled at him.

Bokuto was scrolling on his phone and gasped. “Hey Tsukki dude-“

“What is it, Bokuto?” Kei asked.

“Do you happen to know Yamaguchi’s birthday?”

Kei was confused. “What? No. How am I supposed to know?”

Bokuto shook his head. “It’s this weekend, he probably had plans with that Hinata guy on his _birthday_ , Tsukishima, his own birthday and that guy just bailed on him.”

Kei felt his heart ache for Yamaguchi, he doesn’t know why he feels this way, but he knows he wants to punch Hinata in the face for bailing on his best friend.

Kei shrugged as response to Bokuto and left to go to his class.

\-----------------------------------

Kei dislikes his work, he doesn’t hate it, he just dislikes it. It’s not even that his job is hard, Kei just really doesn’t like social interaction with strangers.

It wasn’t busy, but it also wasn’t quiet at Shimada mart this particular Saturday. There were kids hanging out in the candy isle and some old people were talking to each other near the cash register.

It was Yamaguchi’s birthday today, Yamaguchi didn’t know that Kei knew, he wasn’t going to tell him he knew.

Kei felt bad for Yamaguchi, he’s probably alone in his apartment right at the moment. You shouldn’t be studying on your birthday, but there wasn’t much Kei could change about the situation.

The doors to Shimada mart opened and the little bell notified Kei someone walked into the store. Kei didn’t bother to look who it was at first, but after a few minutes the customer walked up to the register.

“Good even- hi Yamaguchi.” Kei said, surprised.

Yamaguchi looked like he had cried. “Hey Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi put down a six pack of some kind of beer and shrugged.

“I’m almost of my shift.” Kei blurred out, not looking at Yamaguchi.

“Want me to wait so we can walk together?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Only if you want to.” Kei said.

“Of course, otherwise I didn’t ask dummy.” Yamaguchi said, slightly happier than his previous comment.

Ten minutes later and they were finally ready to leave Shimada mart.

Yamaguchi got his keys to unlock the front door of the apartment building and the two of them stepped inside, Kei switched on the light and they walked to their floor.

“Have a good evening, Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi said.

“You too.” Kei responded.

Kei wanted to close his apartment door but he was stopped. “Wait, Tsukishima.”

“Hmh? What is it?” Kei asked.

“Do you drink beer?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Sometimes, yeah.” He answered.

“Great.” Yamaguchi smiled softly.

Kei locked his door again and he walked with Yamaguchi to his apartment.

“Hinata and Kenma aren’t home right now so we kinda have the whole apartment to ourselves, not that it matters since it’s my apartment, but you know, Kenma doesn’t like it when people come over, which I think is stupid since it’s my apartment they just lived here temporarily, but still.” Yamaguchi rambled one while he set his groceries down in the kitchen.

Kei was mesmerized by how much Yamaguchi could talk before he was out of breath. He was so lost in thought he forgot to respond to Yamaguchi.

“Tsukishima? Are you listening?”

Kei shook his head. “Yes, I’m listening don’t worry.” Kei wanted to smack himself across the face once again.

Yamaguchi came back from the kitchen with a beer in each hand and set them down on the coffee table, he walked towards the kitchen again and returned with a bowl filled with popcorn.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Yamaguchi smiled.

Kei nodded in response and went to sit on one of the couches.

Yamaguchi plopped down next to Kei and he turned on the TV.

There was some movie in theme for Halloween since that was a week ago. Kei tried to focus on the movie but he really couldn’t. He was way too focused on the green-haired freckly boy next to him.

Ever since Kei saw Yamaguchi at Starbucks, there was something about him that caught Kei’s attention he couldn’t exactly figure it out and he was and still is just extremely confused.

Yamaguchi was talking about the movie, how he’d seen it a million times before and how the movie was actually really bad, but it was funny so he enjoyed it anyways.

Kei tried to keep his eyes on the screen but his mind kept wandering back to the boy next to him, followed by his eyes. Luckily for Kei, Yamaguchi didn’t notice him looking; he was too caught up in rambling about the movie.

\-----------------------------------

One really bad Halloween movie and a few beers later, the two boys weren’t that sober anymore. Kei could handle his liquor well, but even he was feeling the effects of the alcohol now.

They were talking and laughing with each other while there was a new movie playing on the TV. Kei felt good, he was glad to be able to laugh like this with someone who cares about him. Everything with Yamaguchi was just so easy; talking, laughing and being around him were the easiest things and whenever Kei was around Yamaguchi he didn’t feel annoyed.

“This is great.” Yamaguchi laughed.

“You’re great.” Kei said, immediately regretting what he just said.

Yamaguchi turned away, trying to hide his blush.

“You think so?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Who wouldn’t.” Kei said.

“A lot of people, trust me.” Yamaguchi answered him.

“Well maybe those people should raise their standards then.” Kei said confidently.

“Why? I’m not that great, I’m clumsy, I’m not good looking, I’m a bother to most people, I’m annoying, a cry baby if you will, I suck at almost _everything_ and I-“ Kei planted his lips on Yamaguchi’s to make him stop rambling.

It wasn’t exactly a kiss, it was more of a small peck on the lips, but it felt as if it lasted forever.

They both pulled back at the same time, both confused on what happened, Kei blamed the alcohol for the time being.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a bit, but after a while it eased out when Yamaguchi decided to ramble on about some random topic.

It was late, not just a little over midnight late, no it was 2:30 A.M. when Kei arrived back at his own apartment.

Kei was tired, but that was to be expected when you drink god knows how many beers and you stay up watching bad movies, talking, and laughing with a person you actually enjoy being around.

Kei grabbed a glass and filled it with water before he walked towards his bedroom and turned off the lights in the rest of the apartment.

He put his glass of water down on his nightstand and walked to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

When Kei was done getting ready to go to sleep it was 2:40 A.M. he was exhausted to say the least, but it was fine, tomorrow was a Sunday and he had nothing to do. Kei went to lay in bed and in five minutes he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was pretty wholesome not gonna lie UwU  
> if you came this far might as well check out desperatetodoroki on Instagram!!


	6. I've been confused as of lately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei is confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and I have a writers block, I'm stuck on chapter 8 but it's going to be alright!

Kei woke up with a huge headache; he had a hangover from last night. Which was to be expected, but still. It was only 6 A.M. he had nothing to wake up for this morning so why was he awake?

After half an hour of twisting and turning in his bed Kei decided to get up, he grabbed some water and an aspirin for his headache. Kei was anything but hungry, he felt sick.

After a while of laying back in bed and scrolling through Instagram it was already the afternoon. Someone knocked on the door, it couldn’t be Bokuto or Kuroo; they never take the time to knock.

Kei got out of bed to open the door when the person on the other side knocked again.

“yeah, yeah I’m coming.” Kei yelled.

He heard giggling; Yamaguchi was at the other side of the door.

Kei opened the door and was greeted by Yamaguchi, he had his hair up in a half bun and he was wearing a big hoodie, overall, he looked pretty.

“Morning, Tsukishima!” Yamaguchi said in his same cheery tone.

“Morning, Yamaguchi.” Kei responded, stepping aside to let the smaller boy in.

“Yamaguchi, what are you doing here?” Kei asked.

“Well I kept you out late last night so I figured the least I could do was make you breakfast, well, lunch now but that’s beside the point.” Yamaguchi laughed.

 _Cute._ Kei shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“You shouldn’t have, I chose to stay late, but thank you.” Kei said.

Kei picked up two plates from one of his kitchen cabinets and grabbed some silverware.

“What do you have today?” Kei asked.

It has become a normal thing for Yamaguchi to come over to bring Kei breakfast, Kei enjoys it. Kei enjoys being around Yamaguchi, a lot.

“Well, I didn’t know what you were in the mood for so I figured I would come over, you could tell me, and I would go grab some groceries.” Yamaguchi said.

“Why on earth would you want to go through all that trouble just to make me breakfast?” Kei asked.

Yamaguchi laughed. “Because, Tsukki, I happen to find you a very nice person and I like doing nice things for nice people.”

 _Tsukki?!_ Kei’s heart did a backflip at the nickname Yamaguchi had given him. Kei shrugged, trying to get his thoughts out, confused on why he feels this way towards Yamaguchi.

“You alright?” Yamaguchi asked Kei.

“Yeah I’m fine, let’s go get some groceries then.” Kei answered.

Yamaguchi looked confused. “You don’t have to come with me you know.”

Kei sighed. “Do you really think I’ll let you make me breakfast for no reason and then let you get groceries on your own? I’m not that cruel.”

Yamaguchi laughed again. “Okay fine, let’s go.”

\-----------------------------------

Kei and Yamaguchi got back at the apartment at 1 P.M., they got eggs and some bread to make scrambled eggs and toast. Kei hardly ever ate breakfast, but when he did it better be something, he truly enjoys otherwise it would’ve been a waste of his appetite.

Yamaguchi walked towards the stove and looked through Kei’s cabinets to find a pan.

After a while, and Kei not telling Yamaguchi where to look, he’d managed to find a pan to make the eggs in.

Kei wasn’t a star in the kitchen, but he managed to make toast without burning the pieces of bread in the toaster.

Yamaguchi and Kei ate breakfast in a comfortable silence, both not bringing up last nights ‘incident.’ Kei knew he had to talk about it sometime and he had the feeling Yamaguchi knew too, but they both still refused to talk about it; they needed time to process things.

Things didn’t seem to have become awkward between Kei and Yamaguchi, he was glad because being around Yamaguchi was nice, sure it could be tiring because of his bright personality, but it wasn’t exhausting like being around Bokuto and Kuroo.

“Apparently Shouyou’s and Kenma’s apartment is really pretty, very spacious.” Yamaguchi broke the silence.

“Where did they move to?” Kei asked hoping to keep up the conversation, so he couldn’t get lost in thought.

“I believe it’s a half an hour train ride from here, but I’m not sure.” Yamaguchi answered.

“Good for them, I haven’t met this Kenma guy yet, or have I?” Kei asked.

Yamaguchi was thinking. “I don’t think so, no, but you could meet him soon if you want to.”

“Sure, he seems like a nice person so I’m willing to take that risk.” Kei said.

Yamaguchi let out a breathy laugh. “I’ll ask him about it soon.”

Kei nodded. He was utterly confused on why he wanted to meet Yamaguchi’s friends.

\-----------------------------------

Kei hates Mondays, nothing can keep him going that day, not even coffee. This morning he had contemplated about skipping school and ‘rotting away’ in his bed, but Kei had a perfect attendance since middle school. Kei could see his lecturers faces of disappointment and the guilt flood over him.

When Kei got up it was 7:45 A.M. a little later then normal so he would have to get coffee on his own this morning. He really didn’t care though, if he was lucky, he could maybe see Yamaguchi -if he was even working a morning shift- and that gave Kei a little hope.

Kei had a headache, he was confused, he was so utterly confused lately it caused him a major migraine. Kei had these unknown feelings to someone he barely met a month ago.

Kei never really was all that in relationships, he didn’t like, he didn’t like that you _had_ to hold hands to show that you were dating someone; Kei doesn’t like touching all that much. It would never go further than hand holding though, as soon as his girlfriend at the time would try and kiss him, he’d back away. Those girls he’d dated felt offended and they’d break up with him. Kei couldn’t care less back then.

He had considered being asexual but that wasn’t it, that couldn’t be it, but ever since his second year of high school he hadn’t had those lovey feeling for anyone and he’d started to dislike being touched even more, especially by his ‘friends’ back then.

Being touched by his family was fine, he didn’t mind embracing them. Being touched by Bokuto, Kuroo and even Akaashi was fine to Kei, but that’s as how far as it would go, but Kei was the one who kissed Yamaguchi so something inside him felt the need to do so. He was confused and he couldn’t talk about this with Bokuto or Kuroo.

Kei had gotten his coffee, Yamaguchi wasn’t there, and he had a few classes before lunch.

Yamaguchi didn’t sit with Kei, Bokuto and Kuroo during lunch. Akaashi wasn’t there either so he decided to text him.

**_New message to Akaashi_ **

_[12:05 P.M.] Tsukishima: Hey Akaashi._

_[12:07 P.M.] Akaashi: Hey Tsukishima, what’s wrong? You never text me out of the blue._

_[12:07 P.M.] Tsukishima: There is something I want to talk to you about, I figured maybe you could help me with this._

_[12:08 P.M.] Akaashi: Sure, I’ll come over to you apartment later, okay?_

_[12:10 P.M.] Tsukishima: Okay, see you then._

\-----------------------------------

Akaashi came over to Kei’s apartment around 3 P.M.

“So, what did you want to talk about with me, Tsukishima?” Akaashi asked.

Kei was nervous he never talks about these sort of things. “Okay so…”

“I might have kissed Yamaguchi, but it wasn’t really a kiss, I think. It was like a peck on the lips you know. Anyways so I did that, but it’s weird because I never felt the need or desire to kiss anyone so why Yamaguchi? Sure, he’s great, but I have never felt this way towards anyone and I am confused.” Kei was out of breath, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes.

“Hey, hey it’s okay to be confused, no need to cry. Why don’t you explain to me what you feel when you think about Yamaguchi and we can figure this out together, okay?” Akaashi was calm.

Kei sighed, he hated talking about his feelings. “When I’m around Yamaguchi everything is just so simple, I don’t have to fake that I enjoy being around him because I genuinely enjoy it. It’s not exhausting being around him and he’s nice to me, he keeps me from opening my mouth and making cold comments, no wait, I just want to keep that part of me shut out when I’m around him.” Kei sighed again; he had never realized he felt this way until he put it out in words.

“You’ve got it good, Tsukishima.” Akaashi laughed.

Kei looked confused and Akaashi started to explain. “Yamaguchi obviously means something to you, you might as well could say you like him in that way, heck it might even be love.”

Kei had a scared look on his face after hearing he might be in love.

Akaashi put his right hand on Kei’s shoulder. “Don’t worry it doesn’t have to be love if you don’t want it to be, if you’re not ready for that, that’s fine.”

At this point Kei was crying. “What if he doesn’t feel the same, though? What if I have been reading the ‘signs’ wrong?”

Akaashi laughed. “Those are only what if’s, Tsukishima, but that’s something you have to talk about with Yamaguchi.”

“We didn’t even talk about what happened Saturday night, how am I supposed to talk to him about this?”

“You’ll figure it out, don’t worry about it too much.” Akaashi reassured him.

After a while Kei had stopped crying and Akaashi went home. Kei couldn’t exactly say he felt better, but he didn’t feel worse.

He’ll talk about this with Yamaguchi sometime.


	7. it's alright, come inside, and talk to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! it's been way too long and I can't even remeber what I wrote in this chapter *embarrassed noises* anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I really hope I can get over my stupid writers block because otherwise this can never be finished...  
> If you want to talk to me about writing or fanfics you can dm me on my Instagram @vqlant or my twitter, also @vqlant

Kei hasn’t talked to Yamaguchi since Sunday, he hadn’t come to sit with Kei during lunch and he hadn’t come over for breakfast.

“It’s been a week, Kuroo, a week.” Bokuto said.

“Tsukishima has been at his lowest the whole week, what on earth could’ve happened?” Kuroo asked.

Kei was later to lunch this Thursday, he didn’t bother to come right away.

“There you are, we’ve been worried!” Kuroo said once Kei finally arrived at the cafeteria.

“Sorry I had a uhm a talk with one of my lecturers.” Lies, Kei had sit in one of the bathroom stalls, trying to avoid anything that had to do with Yamaguchi.

_Please don’t bring it up._

“Where’s Yamaguchi been?” Bokuto asked.

Kei had just sat down and he started sobbing.

“I-I don’t know a-and I t-think he’s trying to a-avoid me.” Kei said through sobs.

After a while Kei had stopped crying, there were ten minutes left of lunch.

“Sorry I haven’t shown up to lunch this week guys!” Yamaguchi said.

Kei’s head shot up and Kuroo gave him a soft smile.

“Tsukishima! A-are you okay? You look, uhm.” Yamaguchi was trying to find the politest way to say that Kei had looked terrible.

“I know, I’m fine, no need to worry.” Kei said, he wasn’t fine.

Yamaguchi sat down, he kept his eyes on Kei the whole time as if, if he would look away Kei would disappear.

“Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi said.

Kei looked up. “Yes, Yamaguchi?”

Yamaguchi was silent for a second. “Nothing, never mind.”

Bokuto and Kuroo stood up from their seats and gathered their stuff.

“We’re gonna go to our class, see ya guys later.” Kuroo said.

Kei and Yamaguchi were left together in the cafeteria, there was tension in the air.

Yamaguchi decided to leave for class as well and Kei was alone, an extra hour to spend alone with his thoughts since he didn’t have class for another while.

\-----------------------------------

Kei felt out of place, as if the one person who seemed to care for him out of the blue had disappeared.

Alone in his apartment, didn’t know what do, going over to Yamaguchi hadn’t seemed appropriate at the time. Kei figured he needed time as well to process whatever had happened.

There was a knock on the door followed by a sigh and some shuffling. Kei got up from the couch and opened the door to meet a really sad looking Yamaguchi.

His eyes were red and his hair was a mess; he had been crying.

Kei stepped aside to let Yamaguchi in and he closed the door.

The second Yamaguchi heard the door click in its lock, he pulled Kei into a tight embrace.

Yamaguchi was crying again.

“Hey, hey Yamaguchi what’s wrong, don’t cry… please.” Was all Kei had managed to get out.

Yamaguchi dried off his tears and both of them sat down on Kei’s couch.

“What’s wrong?” Kei asked again.

“Everything, everything’s wrong, Tsukki; we’ve been avoiding each other for what it seems like forever, we haven’t had the chance to talk about what happened Saturday night and it’s slowly killing me, I need to know your thoughts, Tsukki, I need to know them all; every little thing.” Yamaguchi explained.

Kei had tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. It didn’t take long before those tears were rolling down his cheeks.

“Let me know what you want to know and I’ll tell you, okay?” Kei said.

Yamaguchi nodded and he thought for a bit.

“Why did you kiss me?” He then proceeded to ask.

Kei was surprised by the question, but he knew it would come.

“I was drunk.” Kei said.

“You don’t seem like a drunk kisser to me, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said.

“I’m not.” Kei had a serious face on.

“Then why?” Yamaguchi still had to know; he needed closure.

“I don’t know Yamaguchi.” Kei said more cold than he had meant to.

“Do you regret it?” Yamaguchi then asked.

“Do you?” Kei tried to avoid the question, because he knew the answer as clear as the day.

Yamaguchi turned away from Kei. “N-no, answer my question Tsukki.”

Kei’s head was pulsing. “No, Yamaguchi, I don’t regret anything at all.”

Yamaguchi’s head shot towards Kei, a small blush on his face.

Yamaguchi gave a soft smile to Kei and went to sit next to him.

“D-do you have any more questions?” Kei asked, mad at how shaky his voice was.

“What are we, Tsukishima?”

Kei was confused. “What do you want us to be, Yamaguchi?”

“Whatever you want us to be.” Yamaguchi put his right hand on Kei’s cheek and leaned in, he gave Kei time to pull away if he wanted to. After a few seconds also Kei leaned in and their lips touched for the first time since Saturday, but now both as sober as they can be.

Kei gasped at the sudden action and Yamaguchi took this gesture as an invite for his tongue in Kei’s mouth. Yamaguchi dragged his tongue over Kei’s bottom lip and tugged at it with his front teeth.

They shuffled on the couch to sit in a more comfortable position, not even breaking their kiss once.

Kei wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi’s middle and pulled him close. Yamaguchi let out a breathy laugh against Kei’s mouth, his breath was hot.

After a few minutes they both pull away for air.

Yamaguchi was a smiling, blushing mess.

“So…” Kei started.

Yamaguchi shook his head. “Let me have this for a moment.”

Kei nodded and walked over to the kitchen to grab something for the two of them.

Kei came back and sat down on the couch, Yamaguchi immediately snuggling up to Kei’s side. Kei’s heart was beating in his throat.

Apparently after opening up to each other, Yamaguchi had felt a lot more comfortable.

Yamaguchi was snuggled up against Kei with a blanket wrapped around them both, they had stayed there for a few hours watching movies.

It was getting late, Yamaguchi only lived a few doors away, but Kei didn’t want him to leave.

“Stay over?” Kei blurred out.

“R-really? I mean only if you want to.” Yamaguchi said nervously.

“Of course, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you dummy.” Kei repeated Yamaguchi’s words from Saturday at Shimada mart.

Yamaguchi laughed and they got ready for bed.

Kei got in bed first, Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to join him.

“You gonna get in bed or…?” Kei asked jokingly.

Yamaguchi shrugged and got into bed, putting his cold hands against Kei’s neck. Kei jumped up, but he’d deserved it.

\-----------------------------------

Kei slowly woke up to warmth by his side and extremely loud banging on the door. He didn’t want to get up to open the door, but the noises were giving him a headache.

Kei had his arm wrapped around Yamaguchi; Kei was the big spoon.

Yamaguchi was always pretty to look at, but when he was sleeping he was so much more than pretty. Kei took his time to admire Yamaguchi before he woke up.

“The door, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi waved his hand in the direction of the front door.

Kei got up and walked to the front door.

“Morning Tsukki dude!!!!” Bokuto yelled and walked in the apartment.

Kei walked back to the bedroom. “Bokuto and Kuroo are here.”

“Wait what?” Yamaguchi asked.

“They’re in the living room, I can tell them to leave.” Kei said.

“N-no it’s fine, I’ll be there in a minute.” Yamaguchi said.

Kei nodded and walked back to the living room. “What are you guys doing here?” Kei asked Kuroo and Bokuto.

“We just wanted to see our friend!!” Kuroo was lying, Kei knew this, but it was too damn early to argue with Kuroo.

“Okay…” Kei sighed

“Do you have someone over, Tsukishima?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo smirked. “Yeah, we thought we heard someone in your bedroom.”

“Morning, guys!” Yamaguchi came out of Kei’s bedroom.

Bokuto and Kuroo gasped jokingly. “Morning Yamaguchi! They said in unison.

After a few hours of talking and Bokuto and Kuroo side eyeing Yamaguchi, they finally left and Yamaguchi and Kei were alone again.

“Want breakfast?” Kei asked.

Yamaguchi was deep in thought and put up a mischievous grin.

Yamaguchi sat down next to Kei and started leaving kisses down Kei’s neck. Kei’s body tensed at the touch but relaxed after a second.

Yamaguchi started to suck and nibble on Kei’s neck, leaving dark marks.

One of Yamaguchi’s hands found its way up Kei’s shirt and was playing with his nipple. Kei let out a soft moan.

Yamaguchi laughed. “Sensitive?” He asked.

Kei nodded. “Don’t stop though.”

The couch was uncomfortable, Kei lifted up Yamaguchi and carried him to the bedroom. Yamaguchi turned over and went to sit on top of Kei, still leaving dark marks on his neck.

\-----------------------------------

Kei was walking to the cafeteria, his neck was still covered in the hickeys Yamaguchi had left.

“Morning, Kei!” Kuroo walked up to Kei and dragged him to their table.

“What’s going on?” Kei asked, confused.

“Tell us about your weekend!” Bokuto commended.

“There is not much to say, Yamaguchi and I studied and we watched a movie, he stayed over because it was late.”

“Just studied?” Kuroo asked.

Kei hummed in response.

Bokuto and Kuroo were eyeing Kei’s neck, Kei wasn’t quite aware of how many marks he had on his neck.

“Want to know something, Tsukishima?” Kuroo asked.

Kei looked confused but nodded anyways.

“I don’t think studying with friends involves leaving hickeys on each other.”


	8. I get overwhelmed so easily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attacks, slight mention of suicide.
> 
> Hello lovelies! Did you miss me? I bet you did. Hah.  
> Uh, I have to start writing chapter 9, but my motivation is somewhere six feet under the ground so... I'll manage
> 
> come talk to me on twitter/instagram/tumblr ---> @/ilyyams
> 
> Love,  
> san <3

Kei woke up to knocking on his door (again). Kei groaned, he was sick of being woken up by someone knocking on his door.

Kei looked grumpy, mad even, but this eased out once his eyes met Yamaguchi’s.

“Good mor- eh afternoon!” Yamaguchi said.

Kei looked at the clock, it was almost 1 P.M. “What are you doing here, Yamaguchi?”

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Yamaguchi asked, faking a pout.

“No! That’s not it! You know that’s not it!” Kei said.

Yamaguchi laughed loudly. “I came here to bring you something… and to tell you something.”

Kei sighed, Yamaguchi sounded sad.

“So you know how I major in art right?” Yamaguchi started. “Yeah well uhm fuck, this big art school has asked me to follow their program and it’s been my dream to go there since I was like I don’t know eight or something and I really want to go there, they offered me a scholarship, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said.

“If you want to go there you should!” Kei said.

“Kei…” Yamaguchi enlaced his fingers with Kei’s. “That school is all the way in Amsterdam. Yamaguchi had tears in his eyes.

“A-Amsterdam-” Kei stammered.

Yamaguchi nodded. “If I want to go there, I have to reply to their request between now and next week, if I do, I’ll leave by Thursday.”

_Thursday, that’s in three days._

Kei sighed and he pulled Yamaguchi in an embrace.

“I’ll be gone for a year and a half, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi cried.

Kei’s eyes were burning from trying to keep his tears in, but he couldn’t.

Together they bawled their eyes out.

“I want you to go to Amsterdam, Tadashi.” Kei said.

“But…” Yamaguchi said, but Kei stopped him.

“No buts, you just said it’s your dream. You can’t just let that chance of a life time go.” Kei said, drying his tears.

Yamaguchi quickly kissed Kei and he wanted to walk away, but Kei grabbed Yamaguchi’s arm and pulled him into a very passionate kiss.

\-----------------------------------

“Man you look horrible.” Kuroo said to Kei.

“Gee, thanks!” Kei said.

“What’s wrong, Tsukishima?” Kuroo then asked, voice filled with worry.

“Yamaguchi is going to Amsterdam in about two days.” Kei was ready to bawl his eyes out again.

“He has got the offer of his dream to go to an art school there, apparently he has wanted to go there since he was eight, so I told him to go.” Kei explained.

“But in reality you don’t want him to go, do you?” Kuroo guessed.

Kei nodded. “It’s his dream, Kuroo… I want him to be happy.”

“How long?” Kuroo asked. Kei sighed, wiping away his almost fallen tears. “A year and a half, Kuroo.”

Kuroo gasped in surprise. “That’s…” He was looking for the right words.

“Pretty long I know.” Kei finished Kuroo’s sentence.

“But I’ll manage, knowing Yamaguchi is happy at his dream school.” Kei said.

“Want me and Bo to come over after class?” Kuroo asked.

Kei shook his head. “Can’t, helping Tadashi pack.”

Kuroo laughed. “Yamaguchi has turned you in a big softy, you know that right?”

Kei punched Kuroo’s shoulder, letting out a small chuckle.

“Has not.” Kei answered shortly.

“He has though.” Kuroo said.

They went back and forth with this for about ten minutes.

\-----------------------------------

Kei knocked on Yamaguchi’s front door.

“Hey…” Yamaguchi pulled Kei in a hug.

“Hey.” Kei said back.

After 5 minutes of hugging (and maybe a bit of kissing) they let each other go. Yamaguchi grabbed something to drink for the both of them and they started packing up all the stuff Yamaguchi needs.

“You have a guitar?!” Kei asked, surprised.

Yamaguchi smiled. “Yeah! I’ve had it for quite some time actually!”

“Are you good? I mean at playing the guitar?” Kei asked.

“I don’t know, if you call this good.” Yamaguchi gave a weak smile and picked up the instrument.

Yamaguchi played a song Kei wasn’t familiar with, but it sounded amazing, no better than amazing.

Kei gasped. “That, that was amazing!”

Yamaguchi blushed. “I mean I’ve been playing since I was like six years old.”

Kei smiled, he genuinely smiled. “I tried playing the guitar once, it was in my last year of high school, it didn’t go that great.”

“Do you remember any chords?” Yamaguchi asked.

Kei shook his head no. “I’m not good at remembering that stuff.”

Yamaguchi laughed. “Let’s continue packing up.”

\-----------------------------------

“Hey Kei… you know I love you right?”

Kei’s chest tightened at the three simple words.

“I-” Kei started.

“You don’t have to say it back if you aren’t ready yet.” Yamaguchi’s voice was soft and genuine.

Kei shook his head. “No. I love you Tadashi, I love you so much you don’t even know.”

Kei pressed their lips together. Yamaguchi gasped and tilted his head to deepen the kiss just by the slightest bit.

They were both desperate for each other’s affection, they wanted more.

Yamaguchi’s hand trailed over Kei’s body. Kei shivered at the action.

Yamaguchi left kisses all over Kei’s neck and face, lastly stopping at his lips.

“And you’re one to call me a tease.” Kei laughed and grabbed Yamaguchi’s face to plant a kiss on his lips.

Kei lifted Yamaguchi of the couch and carried him to Yamaguchi’s bedroom, leaving kisses on his neck and collarbone.

Yamaguchi laughed, the kisses tickled.

Kei cringed at his own thoughts but decided to speak up anyways. “This is gonna be one hell of a night, Tadashi.”

\-----------------------------------

Yamaguchi woke up the next morning to his phone ringing loudly. _Who calls at this hour._

“Hello?” Yamaguchi said sleepy.

“Hello is this Yamaguchi Tadashi?” A women was on the other side of the line.

“Yes… who am I speaking with?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yachi Hitoka, I’m calling to tell you, you’re able to fly out to Amsterdam tonight instead of tomorrow.” The women didn’t sound much older than Yamaguchi.

“Wait really?!” Yamaguchi asked in disbelief.

“Yes really, we sent all the information to you through mail.” Yachi said.

“Thank you very much.” Yamaguchi said.

“Have a good day, sir.” Yachi said, hanging up when Yamaguchi greeted her back.

Yamaguchi smiled.

“What was that about?” Kei asked.

“I- I got told I’m able to fly out to Amsterdam tonight instead of tomorrow.” Yamaguchi explained.

“That’s awesome, Tadashi!” Kei tried his best to sound happy, he had a dinner date planned for tonight.

“I’ll bring you to the airport, yes?” Kei asked.

“Okay! Shouyou and Kenma were gonna come as well!” Yamaguchi said, he seemed happy.

“That’s fine by me.” Kei got up out of bed. “Breakfast?”

Yamaguchi nodded and walked to the kitchen, throwing some clothes on in the process.

They were having breakfast and Yamaguchi was telling Kei they had to finish packing up before tonight.

“Kei… are you okay?”

“What? Yeah I’m fine.”

_I’m not though._

“Let’s finish packing up.”

Yamaguchi nodded.

\-----------------------------------

Kei wasn’t going to lie, he felt miserable knowing he would have to bring his _boyfriend_ to the airport in three hours. Boyfriend huh, wait boyfriend?! Kei was startled by the thought of Yamaguchi being his boyfriend, his chest felt warm and fuzzy. They never actually confirmed that they’re dating, but they’re not denying it either; they’ve been on a few dates, well, dates at home.

Showering is what Kei needed to do right now, one because he was _gross_ and two to keep him busy before he had to leave.

Kei felt dizzy; he didn’t want Yamaguchi to leave, but he wanted for him to be happy. They could Skype every day, Kei would pull all-nighters just to be able to see Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi meant the world to Kei, but he hasn’t been able to show him that. Kei telling Yamaguchi he loved him, last night wasn’t enough, but now Yamaguchi was leaving and Kei had no idea what to do.

 _What if_ he finds someone way more attractive and interesting while he is in Amsterdam?

 _What if_ he gets together with this person and breaks up with Kei.

 _What if_ this would all happen because Kei couldn’t show his affection properly.

Kei was angry, not at Yamaguchi, at himself. His breathing was heavy and unsteady, there were tears ready to stream down his face.

He couldn’t breathe, Kei felt like he was being suffocated.

 _“It’s funny how this works, don’t you think?”_ Tsukishima asks.

“Shut up.” Kei said.

_“No but really, you think Tadashi is going to stay with you? Pathetic.”_

“Shut up!”

_“No! I’m not quite done yet. Think rationally for once! You’re NOT a fun person to be around; you’re mean, boring, rude, really fucking rude, you’re cold and worst of all you’re extremely fucking heartless._

There it was.

**_~flashback~_ **

_Kei was in middle school, he didn’t have any friends; he was tall, he looked as scary as ever and he was harsh towards his classmates, overall he wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around._

_Kei went into his first year of high school, when all of a sudden people started acting nicer towards him, they started to treat him like they should, Kei also has feelings, y’know._

_One day at lunch, Kei was sitting alone, a girl walked up to him and sat opposite of him; she was going to confess._

_Kei rejected her._

_A few guys who had been hanging around Kei a lot recently walked up to him. “What was that about, Tsukishima?” The tallest of the boys (excluding Kei) asked._

_“A confession.” Kei said emotionless._

_“Ah! Tsukishima has a girlfriend! Rad!” Another boy said._

_Kei’s head shot up. “What?! No I don’t!”_

_“She confessed right?” The tall boy asked._

_“Yes?” Kei answered, he was utterly confused._

_“Aaaand… you accepted the confession right?” He then asked._

_“No.” Was all Kei managed to get out._

_“You rejected her?!” The tall boy sounded furious._

_Kei nodded hesitantly._

_“You’re heartless, Tsukishima. You’re fucking heartless.” That same boy yelled while they walked away._

_Those boys never hung around Kei again._

**_~end flashback~_ **

_“It’s funny right?”_

“No, no it’s not, it’s not, it’s not!” Kei couldn’t hear himself properly, at this point he would be screaming.

He wasn’t screaming; he was silent.

_“It’s very funny though; you’re scared of being rejected, but you seemed to have no problem with rejecting others in middle school and high school.” Tsukishima said._

“Shut up! Shut. Up!” Kei’s head was spinning, he felt like he was going to puke.

_“No, I’m having a pretty good time, aren’t you?” Tsukishima had a disgusting smirk on his face._

“Fuck off, you’re not real.” Kei was trying to convince himself this, but it didn’t work out.

_“We’re the same person, Kei, I am real.” Tsukishima said._

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

_“Yamaguchi will leave you.”_

Kei’s head hurt. Was he standing up or sitting down?

“No.”

_“Yes, my dear Kei, he will, he will see what kind of person you actually are, tonight. Because if you don’t cry at the airport when your own boyfriend leaves, that really hits that you’re heartless, doesn’t it?” Tsukishima spoke calmly, it was terrifying._

Kei doesn’t cry in public places, Yamaguchi knew that, well sort of.

“I-” Kei was at a loss of words, he couldn’t think clear, everything was blurry even with his glasses on.

 _“You? You what Kei? You know I’m right? Is that it?”_ Tsukishima laughed hysterically, this was far beyond terrifying at this point.

_“Oh and let’s not mention what your parents will say when they find out you’re gay, a disgusting homosexual. You’re disgusting Kei and you know it.”_

Words cut through Kei like a knife, this was not okay.

 _“Tsukishima 2 – Kei 0”_ Tsukishima said.

“This isn’t a game!” Kei said.

_“Darling, to me it is.”_

**_~flashback~_ **

_Kei was in his second year of high school, it was his worst year yet; his parents got a divorce, Akiteru hardly ever visited anymore and he still didn’t have any friends._

_Kei was in the volleyball club though, he had that going for him. He didn’t think it was super fun or anything, but it was good to get his mind off of stupid unnecessary things._

_His teammates weren’t all that keen on him at first, especially Kageyama._

_Kageyama hated Kei for some reason, other than calling him ‘King’ on a daily basis, Kei hadn’t done anything for Kageyama to hate him._

_Their captain, Ennoshita, was nice though. He was calm and he helped Kei with his family problems when he had sunk to the bottom of the well._

_Ennoshita was the only person who was really there for him, he couldn’t expect less though, he was the captain after all._

_Kei had an extra shitty day this particular Wednesday afternoon, he was walking towards the club room for afternoon practice when he heard people talking._

_Talking about him._

_Kei has never been really bothered by it, but they were saying fucked up shit. He can’t remember it that well anymore, but he’s 99% sure that someone had said that it would be better if Kei wasn’t there._

_They didn’t mean suicide, Kei thought, he honestly didn’t know._

_Kei stormed into the club room and gave the person who made the comment a nasty glare._

_Kei asked Ennoshita if he could be excused from practice and he said it was fine, but he had to come talk to Ennoshita after practice ended._

_He went back to the club room once everyone was gone and everything started spinning._

_“Hey Kei.” Tsukishima smirked._

_“Took you long enough before you finally snapped.” He said._

_“Shut up.” Kei said, he was terrified._

_Kei didn’t know what was happening and he collapsed to the floor, hitting his head against one of the lockers and tears streaming down his face._

_“Look at you, all vulnerable, don’t be so pathetic Kei.” Tsukishima said._

_“You deserve this, you’re worth shit.” Tsukishima hissed._

_Kei’s head was pounding, he thought he was going to die and he might’ve if it wasn’t for Ennoshita._

_“Tsukishima?! Are you okay?” Voice filled with worry, Ennoshita ran into the club room._

_“Tsukishima? Can you hear me?” He asked._

_Kei could hear Ennoshita perfectly fine._

_He tried to nod, didn’t quite work though._

_“Tsukishima 1 – Kei 0” Tsukishima said._

**_~end flashback~_ **

It was the first time in five years since Kei had had a panic attack, this time even worse than the first.

Kei was alone; Yamaguchi was somewhere with Hinata and Bokuto and Kuroo were spending their day together.

Kei wanted to call someone, but he couldn’t. “ _Don’t bother them, imagine you ruining their day because you had a little panic attack, how annoying.”_ Tsukishima said.

Kei sat in his bed, he didn’t know he got there but he was glad he did.

Two hours left before Yamaguchi had to be at the airport.

Kei was shaking uncontrollably, he didn’t think there was a way out of this situation anymore.

After half an hour Kei heard a sound at the front door.

“Tsukki?” It was Yamaguchi.

“Tsukki please open the door.” Yamaguchi sounded worried.

When Kei still hadn’t come to open door, Yamaguchi tried the doorknob himself; the door was unlocked.

Yamaguchi didn’t see Kei in the living room or kitchen so he headed for the bedroom where he found Kei sitting in a big mess.

Apparently somewhere along the way Kei had puked and he was sitting in his own puke.

Yamaguchi hurried over to the bed and helped Kei up, walking him to the bathroom.

Kei showered, with Yamaguchi to supervise, and then they went to sit down in the living room.

“What happened?” Yamaguchi asked.

Kei still wasn’t very capable of forming proper sentences. “I- I uh panic attack.”

“You had a panic attack?” Yamaguchi tried to clear things up.

Kei nodded, he hated how vulnerable he was.

“Can you remember what caused it, Tsukki?”

Kei shook his head no. “I-it just happened, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi helped Kei calm down to his fullest considering they had to leave soon and he couldn’t bear to see his boyfriend like that.

“Are you okay now?” Yamaguchi asked.

Kei nodded and snuggled up to Yamaguchi.

“We have to go soon.” Kei mumbled, hating to admit it.

Yamaguchi sighed. “We have half an hour left, let’s just cuddle and then we can leave.”

Kei’s face slightly lit up and they cuddled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter!! comments and kudos are highly appreciated!  
> <33


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